"Dealing With Office Gossip"

     Gossip is idle chatter between people which often leads to stories and rumors about other people’s lives. It frequently lacks much thought and often just fills up time. It is indulged in by most of us at one time or another, and for some it can be a favorite pastime. Perhaps because it is so common we often think little about its power to be destructive. Have you ever noticed how hard it can be to keep out of office gossip? This can be especially true when you have a grievance with the person being gossiped about. So, how do you stop gossiping, and why should you?

     First, let’s talk about why we gossip. From one angle, information about people becomes a commodity that we trade for social standing. The more we know about others the more we have to trade. Trading stories about others can give us the feeling of having something valuable to say; in many ways it is enjoyable, giving us a sense of security that we are part of the in group. We may use gossip to enroll others in the righteousness of our position. Gossiping has been around for a long time and it can be a habit that we do not pay much attention to; in other words we are not considering the effects upon those we gossip about. The person gossiping may see it as just passing on information. It is rare, though, when we feel that being gossiped about is something that is okay—and that should give us a clue.

     Why does gossip need to be curtailed? Is it really harmless? What happens that we like when gossiping? Ponder that for a moment. Outside of the rush that can come in the delivery, what is the aftermath? Experience tells me that most of us agree in word that we don’t like the idea of gossip, so what keeps us from stopping it? Have you ever tried to not gossip? If you have, what did it feel like? If you have not ever tried to stop, it may be that the best way to discover when and why you gossip is to attempt to not gossip. It is an interesting exercise to attempt to stop all gossip for a week and see whether it is difficult--and if so, why?

     Gossip is more than likely not going to stop completely, so the question becomes: What can be done about it? If you’re a person who has been gossiping most of your life you may be a bit uncomfortable now and find yourself in an inner monologue, disguised as a dialogue, defending yourself. If that is you, stop a moment, take a breath and just notice whether you want to argue with yourself to keep this behavior. Being the person doing the gossiping can be pleasurable in that you become the center of attention, you may even be the victim in your story, and for sure you are the one in the right. Learning to give that up may not be easy even though you decide you want to. In the event this is not you and you find yourself in the middle of a gossip session, what can you do?

     For those who are interested in stopping office gossip, there may be several things that you can try, depending on what you are comfortable working with. For those who have no interest in confronting those who gossip, you can become busy and not have time to stay in the conversation when it turns to gossip. If you cannot leave for some reason it is important that you do not repeat what you have heard. It may be that you are willing to say something, in which case you might say, I am uncomfortable talking about others when they are not here, or have you asked them about that? In either case you may be letting the person know without having it become personal. It is probably not going to work to tell the person not to gossip, or make them wrong. When we take away the interest in hearing about what is being said, or just keep it to ourselves, we can stop things from moving into dangerous places.

     If you are in an office where there is a lot of gossip that is becoming detrimental to the team work of the group, you may need to let someone know who can do something about it.